What a British oath of allegiance would really sound like – Telegraph.co.uk

“I give my solemn word that I will respect the institutions of this country, especially the monarchy. To this end, I pledge that I will not wantonly or heedlessly throw away any special souvenir supplements of photographs of royal babies before such supplements have been in my possession for at least two days. I shall strive without cease to fight this country’s enemies, namely Japanese knotweed. I will also strongly disapprove of American crayfish which invade our inland waters.

“When I drop litter, I will do so conscientiously, screwing it up and tucking it into hedges or between railings. And I will leave larger items outside charity shops late at night. I will learn British skills, like the art of half-offering my seat to someone else on a bus and never believing weather forecasts and I will not panic when the Met Office issues weather warnings, but I will take note of all signs telling me to take care on slippery floors.

“Right, that’s it. Cheers. Shake on it.”

Gr8 view of a peasant gathering winter fuel

One year King Wenceslas was thrilledto be given a smartphone for Christmas and he decided to send his first text message to his page:

“Hi there, page. Happy Fst of Stephn.”

“Same 2U, sire. How RU?”

“I’m good. U may call me GKW. Just looking out from castle tower. Gr8 view from here. Sending U pix of snow. V deep, crisp and evn.”

“Hi. Like pix a lot Really good of brightly shining moon IMHO.”

“Can u come hithr and stnd by me? I see a peasant over there gathering winter fuel. Just wondering. Who he? Where from?”

“That’s a FAQ. Not from round here. A gd league hence, I’d say. Undernth the mountain and right agnst the forest fnce. Address is yonder.peasant@stagnestfountain.com. Am forwarding it to U.”

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